We analyzed this next voice over script in an earlier blog about voiceover analysis being the key to booking the audition. Here we will go into greater detail, line by line, on the choices that can be made to connect better with the message and really make it your OWN, while simultaneously telling the writer you GET IT. So review once more:
You have the chance to power your own city. How will you do it?
Energyville from Chevron is an online game that lets you choose
from a wide range of energy sources to meet the demands of your own city. Alternatives. Renewables. Oil. Gas.
Energyville is a chance to better understand the energy challenges we face, then find the inspiration and know-how to solve them.
Put your ideas to work at ‘will you join us. com’
We already discussed the reasons for not making the word “you” the focal point, but for newcomers – the “you” in the listeners’ ear is understood. They don’t need that word amplified. But what is it that relates to you? The chance to POWER your own CITY. If you can only choose one or two words in a sentence to make a point, choose wisely. Often it is as simple as subject/verb. Other times it’s not as straightforward. How will you do it? Again, no need to punch “you.” The action word here is DO. “it” is understood, since we already talked about what “it” is in the first sentence. The next sentence is a bit longer and will be an exception to the “only choosing 1 or 2 words in a sentence” rule. Let’s also assume the product name is, in a way, an assumptive as well. Punching the product can be overkill many times. A way of shouting you’re an announcer. That’s not how we talk in real life. We speak to the point. The point is introducing its new ONLINE GAME. This game let’s you choose from a WIDE RANGE OF ENERGY SOURCES. Why could this potentially be a focal point? Why not “demands” or “city”? Because then they go on to list this wide range of energy sources! Ding ding. As with an list, vary your inflections and keep pauses tight. Don’t test your listener’s patience. What does this game ultimately exist for? To help us understand the ENERGY CHALLENGES we face. What’s the reward for this understanding? The payoff? We can SOLVE them. Yes, we may want to give a little attention to yummy words like “inspiration” and “know-how”. Maybe, maybe not. Depends how much impact you want on SOLVE. In voiceover scripts, as in ordinary conversations, more impact on a word comes from less impact on all the other words surrounding it. This last sentence stumps me a bit. The possibility of emphasizing “Put” gives power right up front, and to a command word no less. I also feel like breaking a rule here and putting “your” on a platform, to remind them that THEY have a chance to DO SOMETHING. Your choice. Pick a point, and stick to it. Make sure it counts. But at least now you have some more choices to consider. So, the final edit:
You have the chance to power your own city. How will you do it?
Energyville from Chevron is an online game that lets you choose
from a wide range of energy sources to meet the demands of your own city. Alternatives. Renewables. Oil. Gas.
Energyville is a chance to better understand the energy challenges we face, then find the inspiration and know-how to solve them.
Put your ideas to work at ‘will you join us. com’